Поиск Счастья

Есть различные вещи, которые делают одну культуру отличной от другой,
включая музыку, живопись, обычаи и традиции. Однако, общее для всех
культур –– это легенды,сказки. Эти мифические истории присутствуют в
каждой культуре.
В американских историях Золушка, Златовласка, Три Медведя,
Принцесса на Горошине были очень популярны у разных поколений
детей. Многие из этих историй описывают путь поиска счастья. Этот путь
может быть пожизненным, а в некоторых случаях, даже никогда и не
достижимым.
Многие дети знакомы со сказкой Рапунцель писателей Братьев Гримм.
По всему миру известны также Гадкий Утенок и многие другие сказки
Ганса Христиана Андерсена. Эти сказки часто имеют счастливый конец.
Некоторые из этих историй заканчиваются встречей принцессы и принца.
Существует эпическая легенда, близкая к сказке, и в России. На берегу
озера герой этой легенды Садко играет на гуслях (древнерусский струнный
музыкальный инструмент, подобный лире). Морскому Царю нравится
его музыка и он предлагает ему помощь. Садко должен сделать ставку
с местными торговцами о ловли рыбы в озере и когда он ловит её с
помощью Морского Царя, то выигрывает пари, согласно которому
торговцы должны заплатить ему хорошую сумму.
Садко решает помочь крестьянам родного города Новгорода и сообщает
им о птице счастья, которая существует где-то по середине моря. Он
использует своё богатство, чтобы построить ряд судов и начинает эту
поездку, в надежде найти птицу счастья.
После поиска по различным уголкам мира, он наконец заканчивает
свой путь в Индии. Один из мужчин узнал, что птица счастья принадлежит
местному принцу. Садко соглашается сыграть партию шахмат с ним.
По договору, Садко может взять птицу Феникс (которая каждый раз
возрождается к жизни из собственного пепла), если он выигрывает эту
партию, и отдать собственную лошадь, если он проиграет индийскому
принцу.
В этой легенде Садко показан также романтиком и мечтателем.
Поэтому мать его возлюбленной Любавы считает его бесперспективным
женихом, "ни на что не годным" и советует дочери избегать его. Однако
дочь не может принять её решения. Садко рассказывает Любаве о
желании найти птицу счастья, и она согласна с этим, поскольку это
желание находится в его сердце. Она обещает ждать его всё это время.
И хотя Любава не получает известий от Садко в течении двух лет, она
думает о нем каждый день.
Садко выигрывает шахматное состязание с индийским принцем и берёт
птицу счастья с собой. Но вскоре он понимает, что птица не приносит
ему счастья. Он тоскует по дому и рассказывает об этом купцам, которые
собираются возвратиться в Новгород.
После этого он заключает соглашение с Морским Царём, согласно
которому он должен предложить дань взамен его богатства. Однако
Садко не полностью выполняет это соглашение. Когда корабль Садко
возвращается домой, то попадает в шторм и все суда оказываются под
угрозой гибели. Тогда Садко старается умилостивить Морского Царя
золотом. Однако всё напрасно и Садко оказывается в глубине моря. Он
опять играет на гуслях для Морского Царя, после чего тот предлагает ему
свою дочь в жёны. 1
Садко погружается в глубокий сон. После пробуждения он оказывается на
берегу родного Новгорода и видит Любаву. Возможно счастье, которое он
искал в другом месте, могло найти его только дома ?
Любава – образец прекрасной русской души. Она верна своему
возлюбленному и не разочаровывается в нем, независимо от ситуации.
Только такая любовь и преданность может принести истинное счастье.
Так что же значит “найти своё счастье”? Ответ на этот вопрос не
простой. У разных людей счастье понимается по разному. Одно лишь
очевидно. Трудно найти счастье вне себя, если ты несчастлив. Надеяться,
что другой человек может сделать тебя счастливым не верно и такой
путь не может принести нужные результаты. Если вы полагаетесь на
другого человека, чтобы стать счастливым, то вы рассматриваете другого
человека как средство достижения счастья. Без ощущения внутреннего
счастья вы обречены, так как каждый станет несчастным с "объектом" их
счастья и вероятно начнет искать другого, чтобы принести ему счастье.
В легенде Садко важными являются факты о ценности любви и
преданности, а поиск счастья также происходит в собственном сердце.
Именно там счастье должно быть прежде всего, перед тем как его находят
где-нибудь еще. Садко узнал это после возвращения к Любаве и хочется
надеяться, что эта истина будет также обнаружена всеми, кто ищет
счастье в их собственных жизнях.
1) “Sadko” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadko
2) Movie and legend “ Sadko”

The Possibility of True Love

   That perfect someone, your soul mate. The one you have dreamed of all your life. Is it utter magic? Is this the stuff of which dreams are made? Or is it all a myth, a cruel joke being played on us by the Hollywood marketing machine and sappy romance novels?
  
   Robert Epstein, editor of Psychology Today, recently caused quite a stir when he set out to vex the myth of romantic love. His goal is to enter into an agreement with someone for six months, during which time they put themselves through "various exercises . . . the goal being to fall deeply in love by the end of the contract period.

   "We teach our children, and especially our little girls that a knight in a shining sports car is going to drive up one day, awaken perfect passion with a magical kiss, and then drive the blessed couple down the road to Happily Ever After, a special place where no one ever changes," says Epstein. "Hollywood tells us that ‘the One’ is out there for everyone, so no one is willing to settle for Mr. or Ms. Two-Thirds. We want our relationships to be like our antidepressants -- perfect and effortless."

   The evidence backs his statement. According to Psychology Today, over 60 percent of world's marriages are arranged. These marriages have far lower divorce rates, and the couples often find themselves falling in love. In contrast, "romantic" marriages have a 57 percent failure rate, with even less promising statistics for second marriages.¹

   This topic was also dealt with in The Kreutzer Sonata by Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828-1910) which opens as a third-person narrative by an anonymous gentleman making his way across Russia by train. When the conversation among the passengers turns to the subjects of sex, love, and marriage, a lawyer claims that many couples live long, content married lives. However, Pozdnyshev, another passenger, violently contradicts his statement and announces that he has murdered his wife in a jealous rage, a crime of which a jury had acquitted him. Citing that the deterioration of their marriage began on their honeymoon when they first began a sexual relationship, Pozdnyshev reveals himself as a man with an insane sexual obsession—he links sex with guilt, regards it as a 'fall' from an ideal purity, and describes sexual intercourse as a perverted thing. He tries to persuade his captive audience that all marriages are obscene shams, and that most cases of adultery are occasioned by music, the infamous aphrodisiac. This latter idea explains the title of the story, which is also a musical composition by Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827). Pozdnyshev explains the circumstances that led to his tragedy: after marrying a pretty woman who bore him children, he came to hate, but lust for his wife. One day a musician named Trukachevsky, accepting Pozdnyzhev's invitation to visit their house, accompanied Pozdnyshev's wife on the violin while she played the piano. Convinced that the pair were having an affair,

    Pozdnyshev went into the country to attend the meeting of the local council, often recalling the look on their faces as they played the "Kreutzer Sonata." He returned home early, thinking that he would find the lovers in bed and consequently kill them; instead he found them sitting in the drawing room after they had played some music. Enraged nevertheless, Pozdnyshev killed his wife after Trukachevsky had escaped.²

    The idea of arranged marriages, which was one of the topics discussed on this train ride, is completely foreign to most people in the Western world; however, it is quite common to many cultures throughout the world and according to Robert Epstein it has a very high success rate.  While I am not necessarily advocating the idea of marriage, I do not believe that the “fairy tale” image of marriage is entirely accurate either. 

    It is important to keep in mind that one of the major influences impacting this novella was Lev Tolstoy’s religious belief which advocated celibacy rather than marriage as being virtuous.  In an essay entitled “The Lesson of The Kreutzer Sonata”, Tolstoy explains his view of the subject matter. Regarding carnal love and a spiritual, Christian life, he points out that not Christ, but the Church (which he despised and which in turn excommunicated him) instituted marriage. "The Christian's ideal is love of God and his neighbor, self-renunciation in order to serve God and his neighbor; carnal love – marriage – means serving oneself, and therefore is, in any case, a hindrance in the service of God and men".³

   When Tolstoy wrote this novella, he had been married for many years and had several children.  How did his wife, Sophia Andreyevna, feel about it?  "You are harassing and killing yourself," she wrote him on April 19, 1889, at Yasnaya Polyana (Tolstoy’s estate). "I...have been thinking: he does not eat meat, nor smoke, he works beyond his strength, his brain is not nourished, hence the drowsiness and weakness. How stupid vegetarianism is....Kill life in yourself, kill all impulses of the flesh, all its needs -- why not kill yourself altogether? After all you are committing yourself to *slow* death, what's the difference?"⁴  

    What is meant by true love?  If we mean that a person must surrender their own identity and simply serve the needs of their husband or wife in order to make sure that he or she is always happy, I am not sure that this is true love. People are constantly changing and evolving, so it is unrealistic to expect that someone can simply give up their identity and individuality in order to serve someone else.  I believe this is one of the problems that Anna Karenina experienced in her marriage and this led to her relationship with Count Vronsky.

    However, if we mean that two people work together as a team and continue to grow together instead of growing apart, I believe that true love is possible.  One of the challenges that many people face is the “fairy tale” understanding of relationships where everyone always lives happily ever after.  One of the most famous lines from the movie, “Love Story” was “love means never having to say you’re sorry.”  There are very few people for whom this would be understood as one of the definitions of love. 

    While everyone may not experience true love in their lives, does this mean that true love is not possible?  The Kreutzer Sonata would not be ideal reading for someone who is a hopeless romantic, but the issues which Tolstoy deals with in this novella have been addressed by countless people throughout the centuries. 

                                                     End Notes

1)     GinaMarie Jerome “Is True Love a Myth?” http://www.thirdage.com/relationships-love/is-true-love-a-myth (posted 7/11/2008, accessed 9/5/2012)

2)     Lev Tolstoy, “The Kreutzer Sonata” http://www.enotes.com/kreutzer-sonata-criticism/kreutzer-sonata-leo-tolstoy (accessed 9/5/2012)

3)     Lev Tolstoy “The Lesson of the Kreutzer Sonata” http://www.online-literature.com/tolstoy/kreutzer-sonata/29/ (accessed 9/5/2012)

4)     Aleksandra Tolstoya “Tolstoy: A Life of My Father” http://great-authors.albertarose.org/leo_tolstoy/ATolstaya.htm (accessed 9/5/2012)

Love and Be Loved

   In 1964 The Beatles recorded a song entitled “Can’t Buy Me Love”.  The premise of the song is that money cannot buy love.   It has also been said that money cannot buy happiness either.  However, this certainly does not prevent people from attempting to prove this theory wrong.  In every age there are people who believe that if they only had money then people would treat them differently.  They believe that people who respect them and they would be considered important. 

    While it is true that the wealthy receive a certain amount of respect by virtue of their money, the fact remains that simply having money does not guarantee that someone is worthy of such respect.  This is particularly true of those who win the lottery.  They suddenly acquire money and now they expected to be accepted by high society.

    Study after study has shown wealth has surprisingly little effect on how happy you are. Most of us tend to think that if we just made a bit more money, we'd get more satisfaction out of life or have a greater sense of well-being. But on the whole, this turns out not to be true. So why doesn't money make us happy? Recent research suggests the answer lies, at least in part, in how wealthier people lose touch with their ability to savor life's pleasures.

   Savoring is a way of increasing and prolonging our positive experiences. When we focus on what we are doing in the moment, when we eagerly anticipate something or relish our memories of it, and when we relive it by describing it to others, we are savoring -- and in the process we are enhancing our own happiness. Taking time to experience the subtle flavors in a piece of dark chocolate, imagining the fun you'll have on an upcoming vacation (and leafing through your trip photos afterward) and telling all your friends on Facebook about the hilarious movie you saw over the weekend -- these are all acts of savoring, and they help us squeeze every bit of joy out of the good things that happen to us.

   Why, then, don't wealthier people savor if it feels so good? It's obviously not for a lack of things to savor. The basic idea is that when you have the money to eat at fancy restaurants every night and buy designer clothes from chic boutiques, those experiences diminish the enjoyment you get out of the simpler, more everyday pleasures, like the smell of a steak sizzling on your backyard grill or the bargain you got on the sweet little sundress from Target.

   These new studies show people who have higher incomes spend significantly less time savoring their experiences than their relatively poorer peers do. Interestingly, just being exposed to images of wealth can dampen your savoring skills! In one study, college students who had recently seen a photo of a stack of money spent far less time eating a bar of chocolate -- gulping it down rather than relishing each bite -- and displayed far fewer signs of enjoyment than those students who hadn't seen the money. Just thinking about wealth can make us lose sight of the good things happening to us right now. ¹

      Russian society in the nineteenth century was well known for the importance which it placed upon social standing.  Actually, this was not unique to Russian society; however, in his novel War and Peace, Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828-1910) made a point of emphasizing this fact. 

    The main character, Pierre Bezuhov is a large-bodied, slightly overweight, and socially awkward illegitimate son of an old Russian grandee. After being educated abroad he returns to Russia as a misfit. His unexpected inheritance of a large fortune makes him socially desirable. Pierre is the central character and often a voice for Tolstoy's own beliefs or struggles.  Initially he is rejected by Russian high society; however, upon receiving his father’s substantial inheritance he is suddenly accepted by all who meet him.  He ends up becoming the most eligible bachelor in Russia.

    Pierre proposes marriage to Princess Elena Vasilyevna (Hélène) Kuragin, a woman he is sexually attracted to, but is rumored to be having an incestuous affair with her brother, Prince Anatol.  Hélène marries Pierre, but informs him that she will not bear him any children.  She appears to have married him for his money and she spends it freely on fashions and jewels to enhance her image as the most beautiful and desirable woman in St. Petersburg. However, she ends up lonely and unloved.

    Pierre becomes concerned because his new found wealth has not given him the happiness he seeks.  Pierre joins the Freemasons, and becomes embroiled in Masonic internal politics. Much of Book Two concerns his struggles with his passions and his spiritual conflicts to be a better man. Now a rich aristocrat, he abandons his former carefree behavior and enters upon a philosophical quest particular to Tolstoy: how should one live a moral life in an ethically imperfect world? The question continually baffles and confuses Pierre. He attempts to liberate his serfs, but ultimately achieves nothing of note. ²

   He decided that he wants to experience what war is like, so he leaves home and takes part in a quest to assassinate Napoleon. He becomes an anonymous man in all the chaos, shedding his responsibilities by wearing peasant clothes and shunning his duties and lifestyle. The only people he sees while in this garb are Countess Natasha Rostova and some of her family, as they depart Moscow. Natasha recognizes and smiles at him, and Pierre, in turn, realizes the full scope of his love for her.

    Our main character saves the life of a French officer who fought at Borodino, yet is taken prisoner by the retreating French during his attempted assassination of Napoleon, after saving a woman from being raped by soldiers in the French Army. He becomes friends with a fellow prisoner, Platon Karataev, a peasant with a saintly demeanor, who is incapable of malice. In Karataev, Pierre finally finds what he has been seeking: an honest person of integrity (unlike the aristocrats of Petersburg society) who is utterly without pretense. Pierre discovers meaning in life simply by living and interacting with him. After witnessing French soldiers sacking Moscow and shooting Russian civilians arbitrarily, Pierre is forced to march with the Grand Army during its disastrous retreat from Moscow in the harsh Russian winter. After months of trial and tribulation—during which the fever-plagued Karataev is shot by the French—Pierre is finally freed by a Russian raiding party, after a small skirmish with the French that sees the young Petya Rostov, the youngest member of the Rostov family, killed in action. Given the fact that Leo Tolstoy chose to spend most of his time on his estate in central Russia surrounded by his serf, it is not surprising that a serf becomes the most honorable person that Pierre meets.

   As the novel draws to a close, Pierre's wife Hélène dies ambiguously. Pierre is reunited with Natasha, while the victorious Russians rebuild Moscow. Natasha speaks of Prince Andrei's death and Pierre of Karataev's. Both are aware of a growing bond between them in their bereavement. With the help of Princess Maria, Pierre finds love at last and, revealing his love after being released by his former wife's death, marries Natasha.

   Pierre finds love and happiness, not through acquiring wealth, but as a result of living the life he chose for himself.  Money does not bring Pierre any happiness.  His wealth brought him into contact with people that he would not have otherwise met, but this was no guarantee of happiness.  In fact, Pierre seemed to be genuinely unhappy surrounded by people of St. Petersburg high society who lacked integrity.  

   Money can assist in many ways.  It eliminates the issue of paying for the basic necessities of life; however, this does not guarantee happiness.  There are numerous accounts throughout history of people who had more money than they could ever possibly spend; however, they were miserable.  The Beatles informed us that money cannot buy us love and it cannot buy happiness either.  Lev Tolstoy provides a wonderful quote, which gives us some insight into his understanding of happiness, when he says, “Seize the moment of happiness, love and be loved! This is the only reality in the world, all else is folly.”

                                                       End Notes

1)    “Money Can’t Buy Happiness at All” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heidi-grant-halvorson-phd/money-happiness_b_884975.html

2)    “War and Peace” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_and_Peace 

The Search for Happiness

   There are various things which make one culture different from another, including music, food, and dress.  However, one thing that all cultures have in common is fairy tales.  These mythical stories where are written to convey a particular point are present in all every, if not every, culture. 

    In the US the stories of Cinderella, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the Princess and the Pea, among others, have been very popular to generations of children.  Many of these stories deal with the issue of finding happiness. The search for happiness can be life-long and, in some cases, the sought for happiness may never be found. 

    Most children would be familiar with Rapunzel and the other German fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm.  The Ugly Duckling and the various other tales of Hans Christian Andersen would likewise be known to children throughout the world.  These various tales often have a “happily ever after” quality about them. Some of these stories end with the princess riding off with the prince or some other happy ending. 

    There is a medieval epic story with a fairy tale quality from Russia entitled “Sadko” (Садко) which deals with this theme quite directly. Sadko played the gusli (a stringed instrument similar to a lyre) on the shores of a lake. The Sea King enjoyed his music, and offered to help him. Sadko was instructed to make a bet with the local merchants about catching a certain fish in the lake; when he caught it (as provided by the Sea King), the merchants had to pay the wager, making Sadko a rich merchant.

    Sadko wants to be of help to the peasants of his home city of Novgorod and informs them of the fact that he had heard of a ‘bird of happiness’ which exists somewhere across the sea.  He uses the wealth provided by the local merchants to build a series of ships and begins a journey to find this ‘bird of happiness’. 

    After searching to the various corners of the world, he finally ends up in India.  One of his men finds out that there is a ‘bird of happiness’ owned by the local prince.  Sadko agrees to play a game of chess with the prince.  If he wins, he can have this bird, a phoenix, which has risen to life from its own ashes.  If he loses, the prince wins Sadko’s horse, which he brought with him. 

    Sadko is a dreamer. His girlfriend’s mother tells her to avoid him because he had no prospects and was a “good for nothing”.  He tells his girlfriend, Lyubava, of his desire to find ‘the bird of happiness’ and she tells him that he must do what is in his heart, but that she will wait for him until he returns.  Lyubava does not hear from Sadko for two years, but she thinks about him every day.

    Sadko wins his chess match with the Indian prince.  He is granted permission to take the ‘bird of happiness’, but he soon realizes that this bird does not bring him happiness at all.  He is homesick and tells his men that they will be returning to Novgorod.

   He had made an agreement to the Sea King that he would offer tribute to the king in return for his wealth, but Sadko never kept his end of the agreement. On their return trip, a storm comes upon the water and the ships are in danger of capsizing.  He and his sailors tried to appease the Sea King with gold, but to no avail. Sadko's crew forced him to jump into the sea. There, he played the gusli    for the Sea King, who offered him a new bride. On advice, he took the last maiden in a long line, and lay down beside her. ¹

   He awakes on the shore of Novgorod and returns to the arms of Lyubava. Perhaps the happiness which he sought for elsewhere could only be found in his own city?  Lyubava is an example of the Russian soul who pines for her beloved and will not give up on him no matter how long he is aware.  Such love and devotion are among the things which can bring happiness to another. 

   What does it mean to “find happiness”?  The answer to this question is neither simple nor straightforward.  Happiness means different things to different people.  One thing is clear.  It is difficult to find happiness outside of yourself, if you are not happy within.  Relying upon another person or some object to bring them happiness can have disastrous results.  If one relies upon another person to bring them happiness they run the risk of treating the other person as an object instead of a human being. Without a sense of internal happiness is in inevitable that one will become unhappy with the “object” of their happiness and will likely begin to search for another to bring them the happiness that they so desire. 

    Fairy tales such as Sadko make an important point about the value of love and devotion in the search for happiness, but the journey must be an interior one, not to some far off land searching for an elusive bird.  The journey must be into one’s own heart.  It is there that happiness must be found before it can be found anywhere else.  Sadko seemed to have found this out upon his return to Lyubava.  Hopefully this truth will also be discovered by all those who search for happiness in their own lives as well.

                                                       End Notes

1)    “Sadko” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadko