The Beauty of the Russian Soul

   The term Russian soul (Русская душа) has been used in literature to describe Russian spirituality. The writings of many Russian writers such as Nikolai Gogol, Lev Tolstoy, and Fyodor Dostoevsky offer descriptions of the Russian soul.

    The Russian word "душа" (dushá), is most closely translated into the word “soul”. The Russian soul can be described as a cultural tendency of Russians to describe life and events from a religious and philosophical symbolic perspective. This word's widespread use and flexibility of its use in everyday speaking is one way in which the Russian soul manifests itself in Russian culture. In Russia a person's soul or dusha is the key to a person's identity and behavior and this cultural understanding that equates the person with his soul is what is described as the Russian soul. Depth, strength and compassion are general characteristics of the Russian soul. According to Dostoevsky, "the most basic, most rudimentary spiritual need of the Russian people is the need for suffering, ever-present and unquenchable, everywhere and in everything" ¹

   Dostoevsky's ideas about Russian soul are closely connected with Eastern Orthodox Christianity, its ideal of Christ, His suffering for others, His willingness to die for others and His quiet humility about it. The Russians do not understand suffering for the sake of suffering. Depressed people have a dampened spirit and are without inner strength.  Without a healthy spirit the Russians would not have survived through the most tragic history among living nations. They would have perished like so many other nations. They love to share everything and especially joy of living (folk music depicts that aspect of the Russian soul (chastushka).

   The Russian soul has been described as: sensitive, imaginative, compassionate, patient, strong (well-known for survival in unbearable circumstances), poetic, mystical, fatalistic, introspective, mistrusting of rational thought, trusting intuition, fascinating, having ability to feel a wide array of extreme human emotions (from absolute joy and peace to the darkest despair) — the list goes on. Russians maintain their integrity in a way that conforms to their inner notion of what a human being should be, with a blatant honesty and integrity seldom seen elsewhere in the world. Above all they have an appreciation for wholeness or complete commitment and faith, no matter what that faith might be related to. 2

    While studying English on busuu.com, many of the people I know from Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, and other nations of the former Soviet Union are asked if it is true that “Beauty demands victims”.  It is quite common for people from the former Soviet Union to say that inner beauty is more important that outer beauty.  This is not the typical answer that one would receive from someone in the West.   In the West, if a man tells a woman that she is beautiful the normal response is “Thank you”.   If this same comment is made to a woman from the East, the traditional response is, “How do you know that, you don’t even know me?”  This would agree with the idea that the soul is the key to a person’s identity. 

   It has been said that we do not speak of a German soul or English soul or American soul; however, we do speak of a Russian soul.  The concept of a Russian soul arose in the 1840s chiefly as a literary phenomenon. Famous author Nikolai Gogol and literary critic Vissarion Belinskii (1811-1848) jointly coined the term upon the publication of Gogol’s masterpiece, Dead Souls, in 1842. At the time landowners often referred to their serfs as “souls” for accounting purposes, and the novel’s title refers to the protagonist’s scheme of purchasing claims to deceased serfs. Apart from this literal meaning, however, Gogol also intended the title as an observation of landowners’ loss of soul in exploiting serfs.

   Vissarion Belinskii, a noted radical critic, took Gogol’s intentions a few steps farther and inferred from the novel a new recognition of a national soul, existing apart from the government and founded in the lives of the lower class. Indeed Belinskii used the term “Russian soul” several times in his analyses of Gogol’s work, and from there the phrase grew in prominence, and eventually became more clearly defined through the writings of authors such as Fyodor Dostoevsky. This famous brand of nationalis; however, was the product of a continuous effort by Russia’s various classes to define a national identity.³

   The Russian soul evolved and entered into Western consciousness in the following decades, most famously through the work of Fyodor Dostoevsky. In his novels and stories, Dostoevsky often exhibited an anti-European nationalism and frequently suggested a “people’s spirit” held together by “unexpressed, unconscious ideas which are merely strongly felt.” By the time of Dostoevsky's death in 1881, the “Russian soul” had completed its evolution in Russia.³

   
    From about 1880 to 1930, thanks largely to Dostoevsky, the “Russian soul” concept spread to other countries and began to affect foreign perception of the Russian people. For many Europeans the idea offered a positive alternative to the typical view of Russians as backward, instead depicting the Russian people as an example of the innocence the West had lost. The popularity of the “Russian soul” continued into the 20th century, but faded as Soviet power increased. By the 1930s the concept was slipping into obscurity, but it would survive in the work of the numerous writers who devised it.³ 

   The concept of the “Russian soul” may have gone out of fashion as Soviet power increased; however, now that the Soviet Union is no longer a reality, it is my contention that this concept is returning.  Even among those who do not profess a faith in the Orthodox Church, the ethos of Orthodox spirituality is very much a part of the daily life of the Russian, Ukrainian, and Belarusian people.        

   Since the fall of the Soviet Union, life has been very challenging in these various countries; however, there is hope that things will improve over time. What has helped the people to deal with these major changes is their Russian soul which is their source of inner strength allowing them to cope with so many things that would have probably destroyed them, had it not been for their soul.

  
    How is beauty and kindness understood in modern Russia? They can be understood in relationship to modern Russian women. Kindness, sincere delicacy of the Russian women, readiness to understand other people in many respects are defined by the life of the Russian people. Many foreigners still consider Michael Zoshchenko (1895-1958), who described the life of Russians of the 1920s and 30s, a science fiction writer. Meanwhile, municipal apartments, where several families live in the small area divided into tiny rooms, with one toilet and a bath for all is not such a rarity, even now. Not everyone has a separate apartment. According to the western parameters these apartments are considered small, even for one person. Russian families of 4-5 people live in a modest two-room apartment of the area of 58 square meters. Quite often some generations simultaneously live in a tight small-sized flat. In Russia the saying "In narrowness, but not in insult" is popular. The Russian conditions of residing give rise to feeling of special unity when it is necessary to reckon all time with others, to accept others such as they are. The Russians are used to being patient with other people. The Russian people grow in conditions of dependence on the others' needs. Russians possess a unique ability of adaptation, especially where it concerns women. These conditions, seemingly intolerable for foreigners, are perceived by the Russian people as due. For this reason, Russian wives are very patient and always ready to compromise in their home life. The situation which will be regarded by the Western woman as an infringement of her interests may be ignored by a Russian woman. The Russian wife is always ready to a compromise. This sincere mobility and patience is peculiar to Russians which is often lacked by Westerners. ⁴   

   The impact that men such as Fyodor Dostoevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Leo Tolstoy, and others have had on Russian culture has been profound.  These men were certainly products of their generation, but they also influenced and continue to influence countless generations that have come after them.  

    As long as the spirit of these men remains alive in the East the “Russian soul” will also remain alive.  Suffering for its own sake makes no sense, but since suffering is a part of human life it is easier to suffer knowing that one’s suffering is united to the suffering of Jesus than believing that it has no point at all.  This is one of the aspects of a Russian soul.  It is an indication of the resilience of the human spirit and confirmation of the words of Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) who said, “Anything which does not kill you, will only make you stronger.” ⁵

    The Russian woman not only personifies the “Russian soul” but provides a setting within which the beauty of this soul can be expressed. Coziness and a warm home atmosphere is a point of honor for the Russian housewife. She considers her house a continuation of herself, as a symbol of a happy home life. In Russia they still do so without the service of servants. The majority of Russian women are engaged in cleaning of an apartment and cooking. They often do manual repairs. Russian beauties are capable of improving a dwelling with a painting brush or spatula. A Russian woman always tries to make her house light, clean, and joyful. Going to restaurants and cafes in Russia are considered, to be social events. Ordinary citizens do not go to restaurants "simply to eat". The majority of the Russian families eat at home. It can be explained both by the material reasons and the habit of Russians to eat tasty home food. Besides, it is a rare Russian woman would make an uninvited person stand at the threshold. She would necessarily feed him; ask about his life, and share news. Russians try to always have food at home and long years of deficiency have accustomed them to do food stocks. The Russian woman is inventive in when cooking. Many recipes of Russian cuisine were not born from abundance, but from the shortage of products on the shop shelves. The Russian housewife seldom strictly follows the recipe. If it is possible she replaces missing products with others, having transformed the recipe from available products. Russian women are famous for their skill in preparing a tasty dish "from nothing". A lot of Russian families have a country house which does not serve as vacation spot, but a place where greenery, vegetables, and fruits are grown. Usually, they are some distance from the house where they go by car or bus. The Russian woman knows how to correctly plant and grow up potatoes, onions, and carrots. In many apartments in the early spring there are boxes on the windowsill with sprouts of tomatoes and peppers. The Russian woman is capable to work all days off in the country site, being even sturdier than a man. On Monday she comes to work with a manicure, elegantly dressed, and gracefully brushed. From the products which have been grown in the country site, the Russian woman makes preparation for winter - compotes, jam, vegetable salads, and marinated peppers, cucumbers, and tomatoes. Jars with these culinary masterpieces wait for winter in pantries and cellars. Russians are hardworking and hardy. They can have two jobs; have time to be engaged in household, education of their children, work on a personal plot of land, but at the same time look attractive and feel like a heroine. The Russian woman perceives these loadings as due; she does not feel she is doing something special. Russians got used "to survive" in heavy conditions and joke about difficulties. Owing to features of the life in Russia, these women are remarkable for their raised psychological mobility, endurance, patience, and ability to understand others.⁶   

   The notion of the beauty of the Russian soul is not simply a product of the late nineteenth century, but is alive and well today in the lives of Russian women.  It might have a different appearance than it did at the time of Leo Tolstoy or the other classic Russian novelists, but it is still alive.  Each successive generation will have its own manifestation of this reality; however, the beauty of the Russian soul will never die.

                                                           End Notes

1)    Ries, Nancy  Russian Talk: Culture and Conversation During Perestroika, (NY: Cornell University Press, 1997)

2)    “Russian Soul” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_soul

3)    Robert C. Williams, "The Russian Soul: A Study in European Thought and Non-European Nationalism," Journal of the History of Ideas 31 (1970): 573-588, accessed October 27, 2011.

4)    “About Russian Women” http://www.single-russian-woman.com/russianwomen.php (accessed 11/7/11)

5)  Nietzsche, Friedrich Twilight of the Idols (NY: Penguin Book, 1990), p. 76

6)    “About Russian Women” 

Love and Be Loved

   In 1964 The Beatles recorded a song entitled “Can’t Buy Me Love”.  The premise of the song is that money cannot buy love.   It has also been said that money cannot buy happiness either.  However, this certainly does not prevent people from attempting to prove this theory wrong.  In every age there are people who believe that if they only had money then people would treat them differently.  They believe that people who respect them and they would be considered important. 

    While it is true that the wealthy receive a certain amount of respect by virtue of their money, the fact remains that simply having money does not guarantee that someone is worthy of such respect.  This is particularly true of those who win the lottery.  They suddenly acquire money and now they expected to be accepted by high society.

    Study after study has shown wealth has surprisingly little effect on how happy you are. Most of us tend to think that if we just made a bit more money, we'd get more satisfaction out of life or have a greater sense of well-being. But on the whole, this turns out not to be true. So why doesn't money make us happy? Recent research suggests the answer lies, at least in part, in how wealthier people lose touch with their ability to savor life's pleasures.

   Savoring is a way of increasing and prolonging our positive experiences. When we focus on what we are doing in the moment, when we eagerly anticipate something or relish our memories of it, and when we relive it by describing it to others, we are savoring -- and in the process we are enhancing our own happiness. Taking time to experience the subtle flavors in a piece of dark chocolate, imagining the fun you'll have on an upcoming vacation (and leafing through your trip photos afterward) and telling all your friends on Facebook about the hilarious movie you saw over the weekend -- these are all acts of savoring, and they help us squeeze every bit of joy out of the good things that happen to us.

   Why, then, don't wealthier people savor if it feels so good? It's obviously not for a lack of things to savor. The basic idea is that when you have the money to eat at fancy restaurants every night and buy designer clothes from chic boutiques, those experiences diminish the enjoyment you get out of the simpler, more everyday pleasures, like the smell of a steak sizzling on your backyard grill or the bargain you got on the sweet little sundress from Target.

   These new studies show people who have higher incomes spend significantly less time savoring their experiences than their relatively poorer peers do. Interestingly, just being exposed to images of wealth can dampen your savoring skills! In one study, college students who had recently seen a photo of a stack of money spent far less time eating a bar of chocolate -- gulping it down rather than relishing each bite -- and displayed far fewer signs of enjoyment than those students who hadn't seen the money. Just thinking about wealth can make us lose sight of the good things happening to us right now. ¹

      Russian society in the nineteenth century was well known for the importance which it placed upon social standing.  Actually, this was not unique to Russian society; however, in his novel War and Peace, Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828-1910) made a point of emphasizing this fact. 

    The main character, Pierre Bezuhov is a large-bodied, slightly overweight, and socially awkward illegitimate son of an old Russian grandee. After being educated abroad he returns to Russia as a misfit. His unexpected inheritance of a large fortune makes him socially desirable. Pierre is the central character and often a voice for Tolstoy's own beliefs or struggles.  Initially he is rejected by Russian high society; however, upon receiving his father’s substantial inheritance he is suddenly accepted by all who meet him.  He ends up becoming the most eligible bachelor in Russia.

    Pierre proposes marriage to Princess Elena Vasilyevna (Hélène) Kuragin, a woman he is sexually attracted to, but is rumored to be having an incestuous affair with her brother, Prince Anatol.  Hélène marries Pierre, but informs him that she will not bear him any children.  She appears to have married him for his money and she spends it freely on fashions and jewels to enhance her image as the most beautiful and desirable woman in St. Petersburg. However, she ends up lonely and unloved.

    Pierre becomes concerned because his new found wealth has not given him the happiness he seeks.  Pierre joins the Freemasons, and becomes embroiled in Masonic internal politics. Much of Book Two concerns his struggles with his passions and his spiritual conflicts to be a better man. Now a rich aristocrat, he abandons his former carefree behavior and enters upon a philosophical quest particular to Tolstoy: how should one live a moral life in an ethically imperfect world? The question continually baffles and confuses Pierre. He attempts to liberate his serfs, but ultimately achieves nothing of note. ²

   He decided that he wants to experience what war is like, so he leaves home and takes part in a quest to assassinate Napoleon. He becomes an anonymous man in all the chaos, shedding his responsibilities by wearing peasant clothes and shunning his duties and lifestyle. The only people he sees while in this garb are Countess Natasha Rostova and some of her family, as they depart Moscow. Natasha recognizes and smiles at him, and Pierre, in turn, realizes the full scope of his love for her.

    Our main character saves the life of a French officer who fought at Borodino, yet is taken prisoner by the retreating French during his attempted assassination of Napoleon, after saving a woman from being raped by soldiers in the French Army. He becomes friends with a fellow prisoner, Platon Karataev, a peasant with a saintly demeanor, who is incapable of malice. In Karataev, Pierre finally finds what he has been seeking: an honest person of integrity (unlike the aristocrats of Petersburg society) who is utterly without pretense. Pierre discovers meaning in life simply by living and interacting with him. After witnessing French soldiers sacking Moscow and shooting Russian civilians arbitrarily, Pierre is forced to march with the Grand Army during its disastrous retreat from Moscow in the harsh Russian winter. After months of trial and tribulation—during which the fever-plagued Karataev is shot by the French—Pierre is finally freed by a Russian raiding party, after a small skirmish with the French that sees the young Petya Rostov, the youngest member of the Rostov family, killed in action. Given the fact that Leo Tolstoy chose to spend most of his time on his estate in central Russia surrounded by his serf, it is not surprising that a serf becomes the most honorable person that Pierre meets.

   As the novel draws to a close, Pierre's wife Hélène dies ambiguously. Pierre is reunited with Natasha, while the victorious Russians rebuild Moscow. Natasha speaks of Prince Andrei's death and Pierre of Karataev's. Both are aware of a growing bond between them in their bereavement. With the help of Princess Maria, Pierre finds love at last and, revealing his love after being released by his former wife's death, marries Natasha.

   Pierre finds love and happiness, not through acquiring wealth, but as a result of living the life he chose for himself.  Money does not bring Pierre any happiness.  His wealth brought him into contact with people that he would not have otherwise met, but this was no guarantee of happiness.  In fact, Pierre seemed to be genuinely unhappy surrounded by people of St. Petersburg high society who lacked integrity.  

   Money can assist in many ways.  It eliminates the issue of paying for the basic necessities of life; however, this does not guarantee happiness.  There are numerous accounts throughout history of people who had more money than they could ever possibly spend; however, they were miserable.  The Beatles informed us that money cannot buy us love and it cannot buy happiness either.  Lev Tolstoy provides a wonderful quote, which gives us some insight into his understanding of happiness, when he says, “Seize the moment of happiness, love and be loved! This is the only reality in the world, all else is folly.”

                                                       End Notes

1)    “Money Can’t Buy Happiness at All” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heidi-grant-halvorson-phd/money-happiness_b_884975.html

2)    “War and Peace” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_and_Peace 

The Belief in Something Rather than Nothing

  In the past few weeks we have seen demonstrations on Wall Street and a certain amount of political unrest on the part of a number of people in the United States.  The Federal government has caused various financial problems in this country, either directly or indirectly, and the people are annoyed that little, if anything, is being done to correct these problems.  The housing market was completely undermined by the approval of mortgages by the banks to people who had no hope of ever being able to pay that loan back.  Unemployment is still very high and the “recovery” which the government has been touting for months seems more like a pipedream than a reality.  

   The Wall Street bankers were bailed out by taxpayers’ money and they continue to get richer while the average person continues to wonder how long it will be before they lose their job and they will not be able to pay their bills and will lose their health benefits.  The people are disgusted by what is going on in Washington and they are demanding answers. 

    This lack of confidence in authority is nothing new.  In the 1860s a movement known as nihilism developed in Russia.  This term first appeared in Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev (1818-1883).  Nihilists favored the destruction of human institutions and laws, based on the idea that such institutions and laws are artificial and corrupt. At its core, Russian nihilism was characterized by the belief that the world lacks comprehensible meaning, objective truth, or value. For some time many Russian liberals had been dissatisfied by what they regarded as the empty discussions of the intelligentsia. The Nihilists questioned all old values and shocked the Russian establishment. They moved beyond being purely philosophical to becoming major political forces after becoming involved in the cause of reform. Their path was facilitated by the previous actions of the Decembrists, who revolted in 1825, and the financial and political hardship caused by the Crimean War, which caused large numbers of Russian people to lose faith in political institutions.¹   

    This novel discusses the divide between two generations.  The “generation gap” is not a new concept.  Almost every generation believes that the younger generation is too impulsive and too prone to rash judgment.  Almost every younger generation believes that the previous generation caused all of the problems that they are facing and it is their job to correct these problems.  It is quite common for members of the older generation to offer advice to the younger generation and it is also common that the younger generation does not follow such advice.

    In an interview with Andrei Tarkovsky (1932-1986) he discussed this very issue.  He stated that it is impossible to inherit one’s experience.  It must be lived.  We often hear it said that we should use our fathers’ experience.  This is too easy.  However, once we have acquired the experience we no longer have time to use it.  The next generation rightly refuses to listen to this.  They want to experience life for themselves.  He says that the real meaning of life is that we cannot pass on our own experience to others or force them to feel suggested emotions.  It is only through personal experience that we understand life. ² He made this point in his film “Andrei Rublev”. 

   This point is also addressed in Fathers and Sons.  The younger generation is open to the idea of Western ideas and would like to introduce these ideas into Russian culture as a way of bringing about social change.  The older generation believes that what is needed is a return to traditional Orthodox spirituality.  This is completely unacceptable to the younger generation, especially since they have lost confidence it traditional institutions. 

    Another factor is the sense of the loss of meaning and truth which was infecting Russia at this time.  Without a sense of meaning or purpose it is very difficult for people to go on.  In his book, Man's Search for Meaning, Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, the father of Logotherapy, reflects upon his experiences as a prisoner at the Auschwitz death camp during World War II. Frankl makes the point that a person can suffer a great deal if he or she can make some sense out of their suffering. He said, "We can endure a great deal of what if we understand the why." He found that when rumors were spread through the concentration camp that the prisoners were going to be freed on a particular day that the prisoners mental and physical state actually improved. However, once that day came and went and there was no release their condition deteriorated.

    One of the ways that the prisoners were given some sense of hope was by helping them to focus on fact that there was life beyond the death camp. He writes, "When we spoke about attempts to give a man mental courage, we said that he had to be shown something to look forward to in the future. He had to be reminded that life still waited for him, that a human being waited for his return." ³

     It is this same sense of hopelessness which inspires people to take to the streets today in protest.  They have lost faith in traditional institutions and no longer believe that life will be better for them than it was for their parents. It is important to inspire hope in such people, otherwise they will become desperate and desperate people take desperate measures.  The nihilist movement eventually began to encourage the use of violence to bring about change and there is no reason to doubt that this will happen again.

    The main character in Fathers and Sons is Yevgeny Barazov, a medical student who has accepted the philosophy of nihilism.  He is mentor and friend to Arkady Nikolaevich Kirsanov.  Yevgeny falls in love with a wealthy widow named, Anna Sergeevna Odintsova, who entertains nihilists at her estate. However, his love is unrequited and this painful emotion to too much for him to bear.  He turns to his parents for support; however, when he receives no support his despair grows worse.

   Conversely, Turgenev shows us Arkady’s traditional happiness in marriage and estate management as the solution to Bazarov's cosmic despair and Anna's life of loveless comfort. (Arkady marries Anna Odintsova's sister, Katya, though he was also originally in love with Anna). The height of the conflict between Bazarov and the older generation comes when Bazarov wounds Pavel, Arkady’s brother, in a duel. Finally, Turgenev also refutes Bazarov's "insignificance principle", i.e., the nihilist idea that life is utterly insignificant and that nothing remains after death: after leaving and then returning again to his parents, Bazarov dies of typhus. The final passage of the book portrays Bazarov's parents visiting his grave.

They walk with a heavy step, supporting each other; when they approach the railing, they fall on their knees and remain there for a long time, weeping bitterly, gazing attentively at the headstone under which their son lies buried: they exchange a few words, brush the dust off the stone, move a branch of the pine tree, and pray once again; they can’t forsake this place where they seem to feel closer to their son, to their memories of him… Can it really be that their prayers and tears are futile? Can it really be that love, sacred, devoted love is not all powerful? Oh, no!

Their love causes them to remember Bazarov: he has transcended death, but only through the love of other people.

   Ivan Turgenev does not find meaning in traditional institutions, such as politics, but in love.  It is love with transformed Arkady’s life and allowed Barazov to transcend death.  Love gives meaning and purpose to life.  It is also something that we cannot understand based upon someone else’s experience, but something which we must experience ourselves. 

                                                       End Notes

1)    “History of Russia” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Russia#Nihilism

2)    “Tarkovsky on Art: Part One” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V27XlEDLdtE&feature=related

3)    Frankl, Viktor E. Man's Search for Meaning: An Introduction to Logotherapy (NY: Washington Square Press, 1969), p. 146

The Search for Happiness

   There are various things which make one culture different from another, including music, food, and dress.  However, one thing that all cultures have in common is fairy tales.  These mythical stories where are written to convey a particular point are present in all every, if not every, culture. 

    In the US the stories of Cinderella, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the Princess and the Pea, among others, have been very popular to generations of children.  Many of these stories deal with the issue of finding happiness. The search for happiness can be life-long and, in some cases, the sought for happiness may never be found. 

    Most children would be familiar with Rapunzel and the other German fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm.  The Ugly Duckling and the various other tales of Hans Christian Andersen would likewise be known to children throughout the world.  These various tales often have a “happily ever after” quality about them. Some of these stories end with the princess riding off with the prince or some other happy ending. 

    There is a medieval epic story with a fairy tale quality from Russia entitled “Sadko” (Садко) which deals with this theme quite directly. Sadko played the gusli (a stringed instrument similar to a lyre) on the shores of a lake. The Sea King enjoyed his music, and offered to help him. Sadko was instructed to make a bet with the local merchants about catching a certain fish in the lake; when he caught it (as provided by the Sea King), the merchants had to pay the wager, making Sadko a rich merchant.

    Sadko wants to be of help to the peasants of his home city of Novgorod and informs them of the fact that he had heard of a ‘bird of happiness’ which exists somewhere across the sea.  He uses the wealth provided by the local merchants to build a series of ships and begins a journey to find this ‘bird of happiness’. 

    After searching to the various corners of the world, he finally ends up in India.  One of his men finds out that there is a ‘bird of happiness’ owned by the local prince.  Sadko agrees to play a game of chess with the prince.  If he wins, he can have this bird, a phoenix, which has risen to life from its own ashes.  If he loses, the prince wins Sadko’s horse, which he brought with him. 

    Sadko is a dreamer. His girlfriend’s mother tells her to avoid him because he had no prospects and was a “good for nothing”.  He tells his girlfriend, Lyubava, of his desire to find ‘the bird of happiness’ and she tells him that he must do what is in his heart, but that she will wait for him until he returns.  Lyubava does not hear from Sadko for two years, but she thinks about him every day.

    Sadko wins his chess match with the Indian prince.  He is granted permission to take the ‘bird of happiness’, but he soon realizes that this bird does not bring him happiness at all.  He is homesick and tells his men that they will be returning to Novgorod.

   He had made an agreement to the Sea King that he would offer tribute to the king in return for his wealth, but Sadko never kept his end of the agreement. On their return trip, a storm comes upon the water and the ships are in danger of capsizing.  He and his sailors tried to appease the Sea King with gold, but to no avail. Sadko's crew forced him to jump into the sea. There, he played the gusli    for the Sea King, who offered him a new bride. On advice, he took the last maiden in a long line, and lay down beside her. ¹

   He awakes on the shore of Novgorod and returns to the arms of Lyubava. Perhaps the happiness which he sought for elsewhere could only be found in his own city?  Lyubava is an example of the Russian soul who pines for her beloved and will not give up on him no matter how long he is aware.  Such love and devotion are among the things which can bring happiness to another. 

   What does it mean to “find happiness”?  The answer to this question is neither simple nor straightforward.  Happiness means different things to different people.  One thing is clear.  It is difficult to find happiness outside of yourself, if you are not happy within.  Relying upon another person or some object to bring them happiness can have disastrous results.  If one relies upon another person to bring them happiness they run the risk of treating the other person as an object instead of a human being. Without a sense of internal happiness is in inevitable that one will become unhappy with the “object” of their happiness and will likely begin to search for another to bring them the happiness that they so desire. 

    Fairy tales such as Sadko make an important point about the value of love and devotion in the search for happiness, but the journey must be an interior one, not to some far off land searching for an elusive bird.  The journey must be into one’s own heart.  It is there that happiness must be found before it can be found anywhere else.  Sadko seemed to have found this out upon his return to Lyubava.  Hopefully this truth will also be discovered by all those who search for happiness in their own lives as well.

                                                       End Notes

1)    “Sadko” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadko

The Forging of Relationships

   The building of a relationship between two people is always an interesting development.  Two people come together and enter into a relationship for a variety of reasons.  When do we begin to build relationships?  The truth is that we begin to forge relationships at a very early age, beginning with the relationship we have with our parents and, most particularly, with our mother (whether biological or adopted). 

    New research from the University of Reading in England says that children, especially boys, who have insecure attachments to their mothers in the early years have more behavior problems later in childhood.

    An analysis by Pasco Fearon Ph.D., from the School of Psychology and Clinical Language Sciences, looked at 69 studies involving almost 6,000 children aged 12 and younger.
    The quality of the relationship between children and their parents is important to children's development, but past research on the link between attachment and development has been inconsistent. The volume, range, and diversity of earlier studies made it difficult to get a clear picture. However, this new analysis has been able to pull together evidence from past research to answer a number of scientific questions around attachment.
    According to attachment theory, children with secure attachments expect and receive support and comfort from their care givers. In contrast, children with insecure attachments have requests discouraged, rejected, or responded to inconsistently, which is thought to make them vulnerable to developing behavioral problems.¹
    It is in our earliest developmental stage that we begin to learn how to develop relationships, a quality which remains with us for the rest of our lives.  The bonding, or lack thereof, between a mother and her child can have a profound impact on this person’s ability to forge lasting relationships due to a lack of trust. While it might be true that a mother instinctively loves her child, it is not necessarily true that a mother instinctively bonds with her child. 
   While such psychological inquiries involve the relationship between adolescent children and their mothers, there are very few, if any, long term studies of the relationship between mothers and their adult sons. 
   Men are more likely to confess to a predilection for pornography than admit to a close relationship with their mother. There isn’t much left that the modern man is made to feel ashamed of, yet confessing to your friends that you sometimes call your mom for a chat is something few do. Even though a man’s mother is likely to be the second most important woman in his life, even though he may have deep feelings of love for her, this is a relationship about which men are sheepish, secretive and often outright embarrassed.
   Why are men ashamed to be seen being kind to their mothers? Cultural pressure is a factor. On film or television, if you see a man talking to his mother, or (heaven forbid) listening to her advice, you are probably watching a comedy, and the conversation will be the screenwriter’s way of letting you know this is the kind of guy you can push around. But is there something more complicated at work here? And how do mothers feel about their sons’ reticence? There is only one person to ask: my mother.
   I called her up. She is pleased to hear from me. Of course she is – she is my mother. When I explain why I am calling, she tells me that she is, at that moment, listening to a radio dramatization of Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time, in which the arch-creep Widmerpool is always talking about his mother.
   “Isn’t this very hard on mothers and unfair?” I ask her. She responds by reminding me that she is a woman as well as a mother, and every woman knows that there is something unhealthy and unattractive about a man who is too close to his mother. As a mother of boys, you know that your job is to prepare them to be handed on, she tells me. You know that you harm them by keeping them too close for too long. “I was constantly torn between not being overinvolved and not seeming indifferent,” she tells me. “It’s a hard balance to strike, and you never know when you’re getting it wrong. I still don’t know.” ²
    This issue was addressed by Anton Pavlovich Chekhov (1860-1904) in his short story entitled The Bishop.  In the cathedral a distinguished bishop (Pyotr) is conducting the liturgy on the Eve of Palm Sunday. Among the hordes of people who come to the altar to receive palm branches, the bishop sees an elderly peasant woman who resembles his own mother. He drives home to the monastery feeling extremely fatigued (he has been ill for three days) and learns that, indeed, the peasant woman was his mother, who had unexpectedly made the long journey from her village to see her famous son.
   The next day the bishop dines with his mother and his naughty niece (Katya). Suddenly, after the meal, the bishop becomes gravely ill with typhoid. Yet over the next few days he travels around conducting Holy Week Services. Toward the end of the week, he begins to hemorrhage. He reviews the events of his life as his mother sits by his bed. Just before Easter arrives, he dies. As time goes on, the bishop is forgotten, except by his mother. ³
   Here one is taken into the personal thoughts and concerns of the bishop as he struggles with the psychological effects of “feeling distant” from his mother. While such distance might be understood as a sign of “respect” which she gives him due to his position, he perceives it rather it terms of “loneliness”.  She is comfortable with other people, but not with him. ⁴
   This person is not only an adult, but an Orthodox bishop; however, in regard to his relationship to his mother none of this makes any difference.  There is no way for anyone to understand the relationship between two people from the “outside” which is true of any relationship. 
   Even though Bishop Pyotr feels a certain way about his relationship with his mother, it appears that his mother had a much different feeling about the same relationship.  It did not take long after Bishop Pyotr died before people began to forget about him.  Life moves on and the people now have a new bishop.  However, he was remembered by his mother.  Ideally there should be no stronger bond than the bond between a mother and her child.  However, this is not true in every case.
   In Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy wrote "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."  Unhappiness is not a requirement for family life. The most important thing is that parents should begin to establish a relationship with their child(ren) as quickly as possible which will have a life-long benefit for both them and their children.  If no bonding takes place between a mother and her child it will have a negative impact on the child’s ability to bond with anyone in the future.  The forging of a positive relationship at an early age has long term benefits for everyone involved. 

                                                     End Notes

      1)    “Mother Son Relationship Key to Emotional Development” http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/03/100325093124.htm (3/29/10) Accessed 10/8/11. 

2)    “Men and their Mothers.  What’s it all about?” http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article3778942.ece  (4/27/08) Accessed 10/8/11.

3)    “The Bishop by Anton P. Chekov” http://litmed.med.nyu.edu/Annotation?action=view&annid=1043 (Accessed 10/8/11). 

4)    Rodney J. Hunter (ed.) Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counseling (TN: Abingdon Press, 1990), p. 164

The Gift of Forgiveness

   It is difficult, if not impossible, to believe that there is someone reading this article who has not been hurt by a friend or loved one at some point in their life.  Some of these painful acts on the part of the other person may be the result of thoughtlessness and others may have been deliberate.  Either way it is important that the person who was hurt forgive the person who hurt them.  This act of forgiveness is emotionally beneficial to the person offering the forgiveness regardless of whether the other person is willing to apologize or not.

   Before discussing why it is important for the person who was hurt to offer forgiveness, it is necessary to discuss what is meant by forgiveness.  Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one who hurt you.

   Forgiveness does not mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you and it does not minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. ¹

     In addition to giving a person peace of mind to help them go on with their life, it also has certain other benefits as well, such as, healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being, less stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and chronic pain, and a lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse.

    One of the challenges in regard to offering forgiveness is that it is often connected with “forgetting”.   How many times has it been said, “Forgive and forget”?  The first act is an act of the will, but the second act is not.  It is impossible to control whether or not one forgets what has happened.  Even if it is possible to consciously put such events out of your mind, it is impossible to control your subconscious mind.  While those who make the statement, “Forgive and forget” may be well intentioned, the reality is that such a statement actually blames the person who has been hurt for feeling the way that they do because he or she “cannot simply move on with their life and forget.”  Therefore, this person is being victimized once again. 

    Forgiveness can be challenging. It may be particularly difficult to forgive someone who does not admit wrong or does not speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck, it may help to write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation. You may want to talk with a person you have found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an unbiased family member or friend. You may also want to reflect on times you have hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. Keep in mind that forgiveness has the potential to increase your sense of integrity, peace and overall well-being.

   The issue of forgiveness has been written about in The Bible and various other sources.  One of those sources is The Letter by Anton Pavlovich Chekhov (1860-1904).  In this novel, the aged Father Anastasy, on the Eve of Easter, overstays his visit with the younger Father Fyodor (the ‘dean’ of the parishes in that district) this is a most inappropriate time for such a visit.  However, along with Deacon Liubinov, Father Anastasy struggles to work out a “family problem” and seeks help from the more refined Father Fyodor.   With his help, the widowed deacon writes a stern letter to his son, but later, convinced by the elder priest to ‘forgive’. The deacon, in a paradoxical and comical post-script to his letter, shows Christian compassion for his wayward son, thus undermining the sternness which he wished to project at the outset of the letter. ²

   One of the suggestions for helping with forgiveness is the idea of speaking with someone that you believe to be wise.  While the Eve of Easter is a very busy time, especially for both the Catholic and Orthodox Churches (with their strong liturgical traditions), the timing is very appropriate.  The Season of Easter is a season of forgiveness. 

    Forgiveness is very important gift for the person who has been hurt because it is cathartic.  It relieves the burden of having to walk around with feelings or anger or resentment.  These feelings can destroy a person emotionally.  Even if the person who is being forgiven never acknowledges any wrongdoing or even knows that he or she has been forgiven, it is beneficial to the person who was hurt to offer forgiveness.  It is a gift which you can give to yourself that will benefit you for many years to come.

                             

                                                  End Notes

1)         “Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness” http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

2)         Rodney J. Hunter (ed.) Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counseling (TN: Abingdon Press, 1990), p. 164